my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
