I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
