I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
