Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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