and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
