Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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