you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
