i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
