I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
