i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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