I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
