You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
