Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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