while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
