you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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