That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
two words...techno handjob
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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