recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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