I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize