i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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