when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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