the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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