I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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