Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
