the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So vagazzling was a success
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize