the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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