he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
