okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
