So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
