my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
