i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
