i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
