When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
