sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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