Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
