You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
