i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
