Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
