This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
