THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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