Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
