Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
