Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
