dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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