Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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