Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
