Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
