Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My dick has a subreddit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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