Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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