i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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