Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
