The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
