My balls are so social today.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
