You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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