in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize