i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize