they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
