Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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