first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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