Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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