Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize