In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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