Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize