Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
