I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
