After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
