its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
