No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im holly from the hills drunk
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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