I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
