I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
nutella sex= disaster
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
