wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
