Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
