They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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