They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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