It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
